In a sudden flicker of intuition, I checked Harvard Extension School’s course catalog for the Spring 2013 semester. I had already selected my courses for this coming fall, prepared to register at 6:00am EST on July 30. The two online-option classes would allow me to complete preadmissions requirements from the comfort of my home in Minnesota, and I rejoiced in the assurance that my established level of performance would guarantee admittance to the Bachelor of Liberal Arts program. Come spring semester, I would enroll full-time as a degree-seeking candidate backed by federal student loans, which require full-time student status, and continue to conduct my studies online until next fall, at which point I would relocate for the on-campus experience. My plan was solid—until I perused the list of spring offerings.
Despite having three fields of study (psychology, legal, and premedical), I found only one applicable course available as an online class. If I were to pursue full-time status—necessary for financial aid and for deferment of my existing loans—I would need to take on-campus classes. I would need to move halfway across the country in six months—eight months ahead of schedule.
Half a year is a long time in many respects, but not so when it comes to this. In this case, it’s just enough. Six months is just enough time for a financially dependent girl to scrape together first and last months’ rent, and to have a prudent reserve if she’s lucky. It’s just enough time to see commitments through to their satisfactory completion. It may be just enough time to maximize investments in relationships, though any length is insufficient to bid friends farewell without heartache.
The hardest part, other than learning to correctly spell “Massachusetts,” is separating myself from everything and everyone I know and love. There’s a vague sense akin to a diagnosis of terminal cancer, as if I must make sure to leave nothing unsaid in these final months. Yet, there is also a feeling that the things of substance are unchanging: I will wake up, pray, go to work, be kind, do my homework, follow through on my word, eat, sleep, balance my checkbook, be responsible, choose an attitude of faith and love, and continue to do these things whether in Greater Minneapolis or in Greater Boston.
Last night, my spiritual advisor Lew told me that I am ready for this; 18 months ago, I would not have been able to handle it. He raised an important point in reminding me of my growth in these past 18 months. I have truly gained the ability to be comfortable alone, to not depend on external approval, to place my trust in God, to trust myself, to practice discernment and ask for help when my vision is cloudy, and to be obedient to the Higher Law. I’ve become an adult, and now has come the time to live in the fullness of the lesson.
As I write this, I feel peace more than anything—more than excitement, more than fear. It is the knowledge that my opportunity to attend Harvard University in the flesh is a blessing; though I have done the work (and will continue to do the work), God has opened the door for His glory: so that I might say by His hand the impossible was made possible. If it is meant to be, it will be—not without struggle, but surely without ultimate failure. Today’s trials are tomorrow’s blessings for future trials that yield yet greater blessings. God is the Great Provider, always and forever.
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